Well

Well.........

I feel like I have been super negative in my posts and I don't mean for them to be. It's just- when I'm upset or having a bad day this is where I go to get it out of my heart which then makes my day better. It's just venting....

So on that note- I feel like I need to write about happy things.

Well- I'm tired. And that's not really happy but it's not bad either. I'm tired because I am constantly busy and I like that.

I'm making A's in all my classes. Except science. But I don't count that because science is stupid. :)

I saw a scary movie and am now sleeping holding tightly to my Bible. But I think that it's good to hold onto It.

I'm happy and exhausted.

Life is tough right now. I am constantly under some kind of strain. And I feel like I am always falling short of the standards of the people in my life- the one's who are judging me. But then, when I can see the forest for the trees I realize literally, who gives a shit about what they think? All that matters is that I am pleasing Him and I feel like I'm doing that.

Goodness Me

Goodness Me.

I feel like I am trying really hard. I feel like I am working my butt off. And I am still not good enough. I've never had that before. At least, in the previous years, if I wasn't good enough people just smiled and told me I would get it. Or smiled and said they understood that it was harder for me because I am so small. Now, leadership just doesn't believe in me. Or as it was said, "I cheer on those who have potential". So, when you don't look my way or say way to go Sanders it's because I have no potential? I hate this. I have never hated it as much as I hate it right now. And that says a lot because I really hated it last year.

I know this is God's plan for my life. I know that. But I hate it. Is that a sin? Is it a sin to hate something God has specifically picked out for you? I think it must be.

College

I am miserable to the point of tears. I thought everyone would like to know that. This week blows.

Tuesday: Theories Midterm (pt. 1)
Wednesday: Oral report in Italian
Thursday: Theories Midterm (pt. 2)
Drugs and Society
Friday: Survey of Life Exam
Friday Night: Tuskegee Land Nav
Saturday: AMU shoot at Ft. Benning

I'm going to cry.

Also, I'm squad leader starting tomorrow.
Also, I'm making the same mistakes as last year so why the heck did I even take the semester off if I haven't learned from them?

It's Jogging...or maybe "yogging" the j may be silent

I've become slightly addicted to putting everything in its place. And also to Fox News. And also to tea.

When did I become an adult?

I've found that by Friday's I am completely spent. And testing hasn't even started yet. That's not good. But I am excited about this year. It's not as awful as I thought it would be. So that is good. I do know that I need to stop complaining. I don't think I've ever been this much of a complainer to strangers before. And that's what my "new" class is. They are strangers.

Maybe I'm growing up after all. It's exciting.

Monday's....or really Wednesday's

Today did not start out wonderfully. I'm just hoping to make it through the rest of this dreadful day. It feels like Monday so it is nice that it's Wednesday. However, Wednesday's suck like a vaccuum.

Some day's I'm all about this life I've chosen and completely content and other day's I get really ticked at myself. I guess today is just one of the latter. I am not a happy camper.

I don't know what I did to affect other people's lives in such a negative way but apparently I did. I really wish that they would suck it up and tell me what I did wrong rather than being so stinking passive aggressive. And they're men. I mean man up and just say it to my face or get over it.

Ok- this is a little too negative and I"m sorry about that. I just don't like it when my day gets so off track from the beginning. I guess I need to get in fellowship and move on with a smile.....................................

Haha, all those dots were how long it actually took me to get in fellowship. Ugh, I need a life. :)

Kelly

It's been interesting being alone here. My roommates are gone taking in the one week of summer they have been allotted. One week is a sucky summer....I know b/c I had that last year. These 8 months of summer have been amazing for me but back to reality I guess.

I wrote a very long and honest post yesterday and accidentally deleted it which I know is a blessing. One should never be to honest on the internet.

To give you insight to what might have been if my fingers had not been so clumsy as to accidentally highlight and delete:

I wrote about who I was 10 months ago. Why I truly decided to leave school for a semester. It was blunt and it was not funny but it was the truth. I don't know where this sudden bravada came from...to share something so personal. When I've written on here in the past it has just been the ramblings of a person who had a bad day or was confused about the future. Yesterdays post was enlightening and I'm not sure that I'm okay with that.

Sitting alone in a house for a week and a half practically has given me plenty of time to think. Which is a good thing. Right? I've decided a few random things which I'm happy to share being that they are not all that personal.

1. I do not like the Dole Factory. I went there once a month when we lived in Hawaii and I would rather not go back.
2. I'm proud of my name for these reasons:
a. I'm named after a hero
b. It's my families surname from way back
c. It's Irish
3. I like the fact that I look like my great grandmother. I think it's nice for my grandmother since she lost all of her family in the war.
4. I'm surprisingly less dramatic as I grow older- which seems to be the opposite of what happens to the other women in my family (but I guess give me time. Maybe I'm just in a plateau)
5. I don't like the fact that I cannot get in touch with my Mother. She's in Scotland.
6. It's much easier to leave than be left. At least when you leave it's an adventure.
7. If you add in 1/2 a cup of self rising flour to the already 2 cups of all-purpose flour it makes your cookies just a little too....salty
8. If you're at home alone you shouldn't make 5 dozen chocolate chip cookies from scratch because there is nothing else to do but eat them. All of them.
9. Driving an hour to have dinner with my dad is completely worth it. He's amazing.
10. Being honest is really very hard...it's like you want to tell everyone the truth but you don't want to complain...so if you're having a crappy day and someone asks you how you are...is saying fine a lie? I think this is something you figure out when you're 10 but I'm behind on the curve. As Andre 3000 says, "I'm just being honest" High school, anyone?

I'm rambling again. I'm tired but I'm happy and I think that's why I decided to come back from the hiatus I took from the "Bla(h)g".

I like life. Heck, I love it. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm living it the way I should.

Wow