My college education Fall 2009

When do you figure out who you are? Should it be when you are 22? Because I don't think I'm there yet. I don't think it's a bad thing. I'm happy being a stranger to myself- as weird as that sounds.

I'm learning new things. Not every day but just slowly, gradually I learn something new.

For instance, my entire life I looked at each day as new. Yesterday happened and was no more. All of my past failures were erased. Sleep erased all and from dawn to dusk a new life was formed. When I woke the new day was full of possibilities and successes to be had and would most likely happen before nightfall. Now I know that the problems of yesterday are still here when I wake up. They haven't left. They haven't magically disappeared or been erased. However, that isn't a negative. Because each day does still hold the possibility for success and each new day is a chance to make the right decisions. The problems may not magically disappear but something bette happens. By making the choices myself problems either get bigger or smaller. They can take over or you can work on it until they do eventually end. And I think that is more rewarding.

I've learned that every now and then it is okay to say words like "shit and asshole and fuck." It doesn't make you a terrible person. It doesn't make you anything. Sometimes situations absolutely deserve those words. I've also learned that being nice to people doesn't mean you have to let them control your life. Being nice is something to do because of who you are, not because of who they are. I've learned that not everyone is going to be a close friend or even a friend at all. And that's alright. Sometimes, it's better to tell someone the absolute truth to their face and lose them then to lie and keep them. And- I've learned that I don't want to be around people who can't handle the truth about themselves or have a sense of humor about themselves.

I've learned a lot.

Mainly, I've learned that I don't know anything. And I like that fact. A lot.