Um.....

Well-

Today was not productive. I was suppose to get 5 pages of my 25 page annotated bibliography done today. Didn't happen.

I was suppose to get laundry done.....didn't happen.

I was suppose to vaccuum and clean the kitchen and the floor and my bathroom. Didn't happen.

Basically, today was a major fail. But- I did watch tv. I won there.

And I went bowling last night and actually won a game...before we started drinking. 3 pitchers in and I bowled a 40. Literally a 40....not so impressive. But the beer was good. So I'll call it a good night.

Anyway, I'm trying to a least get all my cleaning done tonight and I can get my dang paper done tomorrow. Ugh.

Happy Thanksgiving Break.

Saturdays.....

I've had the best Saturday- I want to say this entire semester.

I slept in.

I ate A LOT.

I didn't go for a run (which I should have).

And I didn't do homework.

I've been in my pajamas all day.

It's been really really great.

I did get my room clean and things done around the house.

It's been a super amazing day- and I am really really happy.

Well

Well.........

I feel like I have been super negative in my posts and I don't mean for them to be. It's just- when I'm upset or having a bad day this is where I go to get it out of my heart which then makes my day better. It's just venting....

So on that note- I feel like I need to write about happy things.

Well- I'm tired. And that's not really happy but it's not bad either. I'm tired because I am constantly busy and I like that.

I'm making A's in all my classes. Except science. But I don't count that because science is stupid. :)

I saw a scary movie and am now sleeping holding tightly to my Bible. But I think that it's good to hold onto It.

I'm happy and exhausted.

Life is tough right now. I am constantly under some kind of strain. And I feel like I am always falling short of the standards of the people in my life- the one's who are judging me. But then, when I can see the forest for the trees I realize literally, who gives a shit about what they think? All that matters is that I am pleasing Him and I feel like I'm doing that.

Goodness Me

Goodness Me.

I feel like I am trying really hard. I feel like I am working my butt off. And I am still not good enough. I've never had that before. At least, in the previous years, if I wasn't good enough people just smiled and told me I would get it. Or smiled and said they understood that it was harder for me because I am so small. Now, leadership just doesn't believe in me. Or as it was said, "I cheer on those who have potential". So, when you don't look my way or say way to go Sanders it's because I have no potential? I hate this. I have never hated it as much as I hate it right now. And that says a lot because I really hated it last year.

I know this is God's plan for my life. I know that. But I hate it. Is that a sin? Is it a sin to hate something God has specifically picked out for you? I think it must be.

College

I am miserable to the point of tears. I thought everyone would like to know that. This week blows.

Tuesday: Theories Midterm (pt. 1)
Wednesday: Oral report in Italian
Thursday: Theories Midterm (pt. 2)
Drugs and Society
Friday: Survey of Life Exam
Friday Night: Tuskegee Land Nav
Saturday: AMU shoot at Ft. Benning

I'm going to cry.

Also, I'm squad leader starting tomorrow.
Also, I'm making the same mistakes as last year so why the heck did I even take the semester off if I haven't learned from them?

It's Jogging...or maybe "yogging" the j may be silent

I've become slightly addicted to putting everything in its place. And also to Fox News. And also to tea.

When did I become an adult?

I've found that by Friday's I am completely spent. And testing hasn't even started yet. That's not good. But I am excited about this year. It's not as awful as I thought it would be. So that is good. I do know that I need to stop complaining. I don't think I've ever been this much of a complainer to strangers before. And that's what my "new" class is. They are strangers.

Maybe I'm growing up after all. It's exciting.

Monday's....or really Wednesday's

Today did not start out wonderfully. I'm just hoping to make it through the rest of this dreadful day. It feels like Monday so it is nice that it's Wednesday. However, Wednesday's suck like a vaccuum.

Some day's I'm all about this life I've chosen and completely content and other day's I get really ticked at myself. I guess today is just one of the latter. I am not a happy camper.

I don't know what I did to affect other people's lives in such a negative way but apparently I did. I really wish that they would suck it up and tell me what I did wrong rather than being so stinking passive aggressive. And they're men. I mean man up and just say it to my face or get over it.

Ok- this is a little too negative and I"m sorry about that. I just don't like it when my day gets so off track from the beginning. I guess I need to get in fellowship and move on with a smile.....................................

Haha, all those dots were how long it actually took me to get in fellowship. Ugh, I need a life. :)