Waiting

Someone once told me that waiting would be romantic. They told me that getting a letter in the mail would make up for the absence.

Someone once told me that a year was not a long time. In the big picture, a year was a blink of the eye.

Someone once told me that growing on our own would make us grow closer together. They said that at the end, it would be worth it for our relationship.

I believed them. And they lied. The bastards.

They did not tell me that I would rush to the mailbox everyday and it would be a new hurt each time it was empty.

They did not tell me that I would not be able to see the big picture. They did not tell me that I'm in a tiny, minute snapshot of my life. It's a standstill in a picture frame and it's not moving.

They did not tell me that I wouldn't know how to grow. I want to. I want to be that for him. I want to be the girlfriend who has a smile on her face and a song on her heart. But right now, all I have are tears in my eyes and nothing sounds like music.

I know that intake and application of Bible Doctrine is the only way to make it through this year. And I know I take it in- but I am too busy wallowing in self pity to apply it. Gosh- I am nothing but a wreck, and I have all of the tools to fix myself but I am too selfish to do it.

Regardless of what I am. Regardless of my attitude. Regardless of my circumstances. Of one thing I am absolutely clear:

Deployments are not romantic. Actually they suck. That's two things, but they are infallible truths.