Well

Well.........

I feel like I have been super negative in my posts and I don't mean for them to be. It's just- when I'm upset or having a bad day this is where I go to get it out of my heart which then makes my day better. It's just venting....

So on that note- I feel like I need to write about happy things.

Well- I'm tired. And that's not really happy but it's not bad either. I'm tired because I am constantly busy and I like that.

I'm making A's in all my classes. Except science. But I don't count that because science is stupid. :)

I saw a scary movie and am now sleeping holding tightly to my Bible. But I think that it's good to hold onto It.

I'm happy and exhausted.

Life is tough right now. I am constantly under some kind of strain. And I feel like I am always falling short of the standards of the people in my life- the one's who are judging me. But then, when I can see the forest for the trees I realize literally, who gives a shit about what they think? All that matters is that I am pleasing Him and I feel like I'm doing that.

Goodness Me

Goodness Me.

I feel like I am trying really hard. I feel like I am working my butt off. And I am still not good enough. I've never had that before. At least, in the previous years, if I wasn't good enough people just smiled and told me I would get it. Or smiled and said they understood that it was harder for me because I am so small. Now, leadership just doesn't believe in me. Or as it was said, "I cheer on those who have potential". So, when you don't look my way or say way to go Sanders it's because I have no potential? I hate this. I have never hated it as much as I hate it right now. And that says a lot because I really hated it last year.

I know this is God's plan for my life. I know that. But I hate it. Is that a sin? Is it a sin to hate something God has specifically picked out for you? I think it must be.